Katrina Gwynne-Jones

Part 1. Me

As I got older, I find it is incredibly astonishing or mind-boggling as to how I cannot sleep at night or anytime of the day for that matter, wearing the aid of sound (it is not important here if I am wearing hearing aid or cochlear because I have wear both). Fair enough – I know I am a light sleeper but I just cannot have a good night sleep, with any sort of noise and it is just crazy how one can sleep through it all. I am just exhausted come by the following morning.

Why wear aid, I “hear” one might ask? I am one-half of the parents to both our children and of course, our dog. When they get ill, I wear them for fear that they may “need” us. Whether that may be our dog who vomits or need to do diarrhoea (sometimes bloody) throughout the night. Some then might add, then why won’t the other parent listen out, well he is also Deaf and a very heavy sleeper one too.

Part 2. My sister

Her name was Michelle and she was also Deaf. I often wondered about her after a night of wearing sound aid. Especially, going back to her final days of lying on a hospital bed in front of me in coma.

The first thing, I could remember was seeing her shed a tear or two. I can remember vividly how the doctor were saying something along the line how it was quite common for comatose patients. And, I can remember thinking at the time, what if I could do more? Because you read/see all the time about talking to patients who is in coma and that they can hear “you”. But I wasn’t bold enough, for fearing that I may mess up the life machine she was on. Because I could have then communicate with her hands as we have done when we were little, trying to guess what each other were saying at night, in the pitch black (we had so much fun doing it). And all I am thinking, why didn’t I do that, or with any sort of stimulating?

Or maybe try to put her hearing aids in, and make some banging noises. Although, I did tried with that one, except that I only whispered in her ear for fearing that I may disturbed the other patients/doctors.

She wasn’t as a light sleeper like me or a deep sleeper like my husband, nor have the same level of “hearing” as me.

I must stop punishing myself in this way because she was already brain dead by then.

I was 24, she was 22. (She would have been 43 tomorrow.)